Is there shame in grieving for too long?

𝑰 𝒌𝒆𝒑𝒕 𝒔𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈, "𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒃𝒚𝒆".  One death after another since 2021. Healing has been slow, nonlinear and overwhelming.

One day, I took my Dad's leather belt to a repair shop.  I was asked why not buy a new one and I said, "Gusto ko nga naa ni sa mint condition para handumanan sa akong Dad" (I wanted to have it in mint condition as a keepsake for my Dad).  To which the salesperson said, "Hangtod kanus-a ka magluksa sa imong amahan?" (How long will you mourn your father?)

I didn't engage further in that conversation, but to be really honest, I felt hurt by that question.  Later that day, I wondered if that was true.  

While pondering about that question, I began to feel bad that I'm still grieving.  Somehow, I felt it's wrong of me to still grieve when it's already been 2 years.  Yet, is it really wrong? 

To be fair, I have had multiple deaths in my circle that if I were to post every single passing of a family, friend and pets (I came home to Cagayan de Oro last week with the news of Kaeri's passing, my beloved dog, but that's another story), my page will start to look like an obituary.  

Even so, I am certain that I am not the only one feeling this way.  For sure there are people out there who may feel the same if not worse.

It's been really tough for me and I've been raised to just stand back up and "dust off" like nothing happened when beaten down.  

So I got myself busy, moved to another place.  Far away from home.  Travelled back and forth that I only visited family for one to two nights only in a month or two interval. Veered away from social media.  It's been rough but a move that I needed to do.

I still find myself randomly sobbing when triggered by things, people, scent, scenery, music, words, movie scene, etc.  When it does happen, I let go.  I don't hold back my tears. I feel that keeping it all in just makes it even harder.

It's okay to grieve.  No matter how long. Take your time.  Healing and moving on, isn't like reading a book where you can choose to read faster just to get it over and done with.  Healing is a process and one that may be different from yours and it's completely okay. 

I applaud those who can move past their grieving fast.  As much as I want to do the same, I am just built differently.

Again, there's no shame in grieving and there's nothing wrong with grieving for a long time.  So take your time when you're in one.  You're not alone.  Here's to hoping that to us who are grieving and hurt, in God's perfect time,  we will heal and move on.  Let no one tell you otherwise.

Photo taken at Pamilacan Island, Bohol. Circa 2013 first posted here.