Conquering Trepidations

     

     Quite often, most people expect so much of you. If not, they deliberately underestimate your capabilities. Along with those, there are personal and spiritual hurdles too, ergo you’ll find yourself pushed down or challenged. I’d like to believe that I do the latter.  It is my hope that you'll decide to do the same after reading this.

     I may raise a lot of eyebrows on this statement but I’d like to believe that I was one of the popular kids in high school. No, I was not one of the smart ones. I just happened to be one of those whose presence is commanding because my personality dictates it. I didn’t have a specific group that I go with. I tried my best to mingle with different people as much as I could ─defying the usual teenage status quo to be with a peer group. That way, I could veer away from peer pressure. I know, I was being hard at myself but that was a personal decision that I promised myself since I was 8. Why? I hope to find time and write about that next time. ;)

     In retrospect,  I started out in college as a working student and I knew from then that I have to work doubly hard to get through school because my heart was in mass communications and or journalism but I went with my Mom’s insistence on accountancy. I wanted to be the good daughter at that point. My schedule sure was forbidding and I didn’t have any friends from high school in my (college) department. I so remember the first week, I winced at the fact that nobody knew me. I felt like I was invisible. More so, I felt very insignificant. I immediately resigned to the feeling that college was an unfamiliar territory. I caught (psychologically imposed) fever that week and lost my voice. My head hung low. My self-esteem, coiled. It was all exasperating.

     By the time I got rid of that silly fever, I got rid of my petty insecurities too. I succumbed to the idea that I was pulling myself down. I acknowledged and lamented all the negative emotions. I took a step back and reminded myself that I may not be very good in Math but I’m a problem solver. I then mused, “Aimee is invisible,” and added with finality, “So be it.” The next Monday, my name was Kaye. 

      It didn’t take very long for me to make new friends. And I made sure that this time, I'd keep them close. As you may have already gathered, I’m big with friends. I don’t mind having few friends, so long as they’re real. Friends, for me, are my support group. So with new friends, I started to gather myself up and pushed myself in the pedestal. I joined extra-curricular activities and did the best I could in the academic area. I was back on track. I held my head high with a "new" name and a renewed self-esteem. 

    You see, with considerable obstacles and trepidations, so long as you go through it with earnest prayers, there can only be one choice to conquer life’s surprises ─be challenged.  Sure, there will be weak and low moments.  Delight yourself however, that when you're down and low, there's no way but up.  You are your own arbitrator.  The choices you do today will create an impact on the rest of your tomorrows.  It is crucial for you to use your life lessons in your advantage.  

     Once you've let yourself free from a gridlock, do what you can to help others too.  You'll be surprised to find that your struggles will be beneficial for others to conquer their hurdles.  

     Allow me to end this with words for you to ponder from a book that I read not too long ago,  Os Hillman's, The Upside of Adversity, "...people who have undergone adversity and have emerged as people of refined character."